i think i had enough..

after so many years of bottling-up, i recently teared again because of this dysfunctional family.

Since young, my brother n i had fallen out, really badly that kind. How bad? Bad to the extend that we don't sit down at the same table to have our meals together, not even for CNY. Bad to the extend that we don't walk in the same path, not even shoulder to shoulder, not even face to face. Bad to the extend that he cant stand the sight of me in his vision. Bad to the extend that he wont use the same utensils or toothpaste in the family. And many much more, in fact too many to mention.

When did all these started?? If my memory serve me well, it began when i was about 7yrs old. So all in all, all these have been gong on for the past 18 years. Yes, 18years and still going on.

Since young, my mum always say that it was a mistake having me. She intend to stop at two only. So when i came by, she almost had me aborted. She always say that i give her a lot of problems when carrying me to full term. I caused her to have allergy to certain medication. I caused her to some orange color food intolerance. After i was born ed, she said i still give her many problems. I caused her to have many sleepless nights, sleeping so soundly in the day and crying at every unearthly hours. My mum always say "Your brother n sister so guai, never give me much problems"

Since young, i am the weakest among my sibling. I broke my RIGHT arm when i was about 2 or 3. I always sprain or fracture my RIGHT ankle when i was in primary and secondary school. I always get the flu bug every alternate month. I got into a bike accident in 2004 and had to go for physio for my RIGHT knee... I got hospitalized in 2006 cause my RIGHT lymph nodes under my jaws swelled up very severely and i couldn't breathe and hear... I got big patches of stubborn eczema that wont go away and had been residing since Feb 2008 on the left cheek, RIGHT eyebrow and lips... My mum always say "Why you so weak, always fall sick, cannot take care of yourself?"

So, the breaking of straw begins with the table seating arrangement.

It doesn't feel good when my own family decide to seat me out. My heart teared inside. I didn't shed a drop yet.

So when my parents arrived home yesterday evening, i told myself to be gracious and put that matter behind. Mum didn't cook dinner. So before i went out for dinner, i ask my dad (mum was sleeping) if i could dabao any dinner for them (my brother was back from work). Dad mumbled something and said no need.
While Q-ing up at the bee hoon stall in Commomwealth, i messaged dad and asked again if they need dinner. He replied "No. If you buy, brother wont eat."

I could feel my heart shattering. My hands began to tremble and my throat feels dry. I couldn't talk coz talking will bring the tears down. After a while, i lost the battle and tears began to drop. Those people sitting around must have thought i was crazy to be crying after eating one mouth of bee hoon. =)

On her last trip to Hainan Island, after arriving home, she accused me. I was half furious only. I was away on flight and came back one day before her!! She said "Why must you wait until i come back and let me wash all the clothes? Why you cannot wash your own clothes? See your brother washed his clothes. And you didn't even bring my clothes down after it dried!" I told her "you'll be using the washing machine, put in more clothes to wash, then will be more efficient and save more water." She kept quiet.

So this time after back from Guangzhou, Mum was doing her laundry and I just put ONE uniform in the laundry basket. She said "Why you so lazy, cannot even wash you own clothes."
Hello!! You are away for a week. I washed my own clothes for a week, i watered your plants for a week, i try to keep your kitchen and bathroom clean for a week. Did your precious son lift a finger?? He left the bathroom messy with dirt and hair. He left the kitchen full of pots and pans.He left the plants to die when i was on flight for a whole day. He left your clothes hanging on the bamboo pole for a week and didn't even bother to keep and fold. HE DIDN'T FREAKING WASH HIS CLOTHES FOR A WEEK!! The only time he budge was to cook and serve for his attitude GF.

As i mentioned, the straw was breaking. I retort her back "brother never wash his clothes for a week, u didn't even say him. I put one uniform, must u say me until like that?"

She replied "coz your brother give more money."

I cried even more this morning. I was too stupid to realize that all along, my parents have been bias and sided with him more even though they say they don't.

They gave him all their CPF moolah for him to go overseas and study. They believed he didn't do anything when the wireless network suddenly became invisible in our house. They won't let him take take bike license coz it was too dangerous and after which my dad sent him to Yishun camp everytime he need to book in when he was in NS.

I guess I'm too stupid for them to waste any money on me for studies. I guess the network didn't like me when i got my own computer in the house and decide to disappear. I guess my life is worthless when i got my bike license coz "airport very near only mah".

mum always think that stewardess earn a lot. Ya, we earn more but our CPF is so much lesser. Therefore more cash is needed for savings. She always think that i spend a lot. But she don't realize that having a meal in Europe countries will cost bout 20sing, much more if the currency is in Pounds. She don't realize that Aussie dollar is climbing up and up, and i always buy kilos and kilos of meats back from there. And everytime i see some interesting food, i buy back home.

So i guess i should stop all these and give her more cash. She'll be more happy with cash rather than all the food i buy coz "brother don eat the food u buy."

I guess I'm not a filial child.
I guess all these years had made me person who can't conveys my feelings and expression, made me a person with communication problems, made me a bitter, withdrawn, skeptical person.

I'm sure I'm not of any importance to anyone.
I'm sure I'm not the first in anyone's mind.
I'm sure i don't stand a place in anyone's heart.

Money is indeed everything.
Thanks for reminding me.

Thinking "Out-of-the-Box"!!


"jia bah ka eng liao" (eat full got nothing to do)

Recycling for our environment...
Rather than chuck the box in the drawer, it has a lot more uses than just being a packaging for LV wallet.

Help save Mother Earth.
If you notice, our weather(and the rest of the world) is getting more and more eccentric!
=)

sausages that look queer..

Bought a pack of Jalapeno Peppers and Cheese sausages from Cold Storage Holland V.. Damm shiok!! It's not like those local sausages where they package it to look like "ang moh" imported sausages. This one is bursting with the real "ang moh" sausage taste!! But the drawback is i couldn't really taste any cheese. Or perhaps it had leaked all out into the oven. It looks kinda gross though..

What does it remind you of?? Heehee..


And not forgetting my STAR OF THE NIGHT!
Marks & Spencer Tomato and Mascarpone Pasta Sauce!!

Can u imagine fresh soft Italian cheese with a high butterfat content, made from cow's milk enriched with cream, blended with tomato sauce?? Thick, creamy and fattening with a dash of tomato sweetness!!
Oh my! This wins hands and feet down, definitely nothing in comparison with those found in local shelves.. But i had to mix it with Leggo's Creamy Tomato and Mozzarella cause..
1) Unfortunately, the M&S sauce can only be found in Europe countries. Singapore's M&S selection is CRAP.
2) Ratio the sauce, so i still can enjoy the taste a few more times mah..

So tell me, how good can a plate of pasta taste if the sauce is just plain boring tomato puree. Local supermarket have a few different variety, but they all taste THE SAME!!

Was on the verge of fainting by the time i finish cooking. So i devoured the pasta without any second thoughts and completely forgot to take picture of my end product.

Heehee.. =)

i'm very upset, very heart pain...

My sister is having her customary wedding in end May, thus she started her seating arrangement plans. As you know, the bride and groom will have a VIP table each and 1 table can seat 10(max 12) person.

My mum planned this...
1) dad
2) mum
3) grandma
4-7) dad' brother's family (4person)
8 & 9) dad's brother and daughter
10 & 11) that brother of mine and his attitude problem GF.

WAH LAU!!! WHAT ABOUT ME?????

What the hell is my mum thinking?
Is dad's brothers more important than his own daughter?
What's the meaning of this?
Am i not your daughter?
Am i not your family too??

heart ache so much..
eyes are starting to tear whenever i think 'bout it..
lost my appetite for a moment, and snacking more than usual the next moment ..
have the urge to shop for things i don't need..
having moderate mood swings especially when i see mum..

Why are you so bias??
=..(

i'm just very upset, very heart pain...

SSSSSIIIIBBBBBEEEEEIIIIIII DDDDUUUUU LLLLAAANNNNNNNN aahh!!!

This is the 3rd HongKong turn that i'm being called up for, for 3 times CONSECUTIVELY!!

NB lor!!!!

Where got such suay-ness!!! Somemore it's the same flight for all 3 HK turn. It's damm farking exhausting flight cause we've got to serve them the full meal service. Starting from towels--> giving out headsets after takeoff--> WBJ--> meals--> collection of trays--> returning all those jackets (Yes! we squeezzzzeeee them all in a small small coat closet, especially in economy class)--> collection of headsets and bassinets when the captain announce prepare for arrival. FOR 313 PASSENGERS IN UNDER 3HOURS!!!

Reporting at 1130am, which means i have to get up at 930am. Leave the house at 1045am. Flight lands at 10.10pm. Plus half hour post landing duties of clearing up of the pax and rubbish. Out of the arrival hall gates is already close to 11pm.
That is almost close to 12hours of fly duty which i have not add up the preparation time yet! All that i get paid for is.... $31(allowance) + $50(turnaround allowance) + ($7.50x 11 hrs= $ 82.50) = $163.50. Minus away cab fare of $32 to and fro... Grand earnings of $131.50!!

I'm not ranting 'bout the buckaroos. The main point is how much trillions of CRAP EXCUSES the Co. have, and how good their "tai ji-ing" skills is.
Like so so ever recently, our roster was about to end on the 21th(some flypeople ends a few days earlier or later). They said they will release on 4th April, which eventually was push back to 8th and again delayed to 12th. On the day, they made a fool out of themselves by publishing A WEEK roster from 21-27 April '08, stating that "there is a problem wrong with the rostering system and will publish the remaining roster on the 15th"!

On 14th noon, the official roster was published.

Wah lau!! Aren't they shitting in their own backyard?? Might as well wait a bit and publish the whole roster on 14th or 15th then!! You think i will appreciate this kind of peek-a-boo roster??

I can't blame anyone but myself for the suay-ness in my life. But such situation happening in a big company, is definately worth mentioning.

Saw a pair of lovely fake bling at Bugis Junction yesterday.
It cost 138 for the fake bling necklace and 98 for the earrings.. i'm contempleting. It's not exactly cheap, but i think they can bring last through seasons..
nvm, will seek for more opinion before purchasing any "tai-tai" looking items..

Got back from Paris on sat morning. And my eczema got much worse over there. My cheek and eye eczema spread-ed and my lips and mouth area gotten so dry that there were millions of white lines around it. YIKES!! gross...
Yesterday I called to make an appointment with the specialist, and they gave me a slot for 29th april. WAH LAU! Yesterday is only 14th!! By then i see the specialist, it would have either recovered or rot liao..

Talking 'bout yesterday, me and Cat FINALLY went for our first Amore session. It was really not easy doing the "hand-n-leg coordination" machine. After just a mere 2 mins, my thigh started to spasm.. BADLY. Of course i complain more lar.. Cat still can tahan!! The instructor decided to put us on the treadmill, which i thought it was pretty easy. Both of us managed to walk 20 mins (1.2km leh!!) and burnt only 123 calories.

Unfortunately the 123calories was quickly recovered.. We went to MOF, had such a wonderfully delicious lunch, complete with Japanese ice cream dessert!

123calories burnt X 3 (for the amount of food i consumed) = 369calories taken in. Or even more...


Joke of the Day: Do you believe that I am 161.1cm tall??
=)

BONSOIR!!!

hee.. this time i didn't buy anything for LV, only spend 60euro for the whole trip. Stayed in room most of the time cause got complimentry internet access!! But of coz i snack more lar..




very expensive and such small portion of brocolli, with some fungus and mushroom.
Cost me 3.45euro.. nb...
But being able to eat chinese food in european country is definately heart (and stomach) warming.
=)





Paul: French Family Bakery and Patisserie
Moelleux Chocolat: Traditional French soft, dark chocolate cake – simple but divine.
A die-die-must-buy food!!
brain doesn't seem to be functioning at all after devouring the cake..

Thank God for all these small little perks. (^_^)


s'il vous plaît excusez-moi.
=)

the mere thought of packing my cargo bag for flight already makes me squirm and wriggle in pure agony.

the realization that I'm going for a flight tonight, makes my stomach churn and do a triple somersault.

the thought of "socializing"and making pointless small talks with other flypeople, makes me wanna clean my stomach(vomit lar!!).

the fact that time is ticking by, and preparation for work gets closer by... i want to resign immediately.

When will i ever get the job that i like, that i want?
I've tried those jobs which i thought i might like. In fact, I've tried so many that some strangers call me a job-hopper.

It's not as if i like to go for endless round of interviews? It's not as if i like to wait anxiously for the phone calls. It's not as if i like to scroll through the Classified to blackened my hands, and look for a job?
I too want a stable, prospective, twice a year bonus-full, monthly wallet happy job.

I hate paying other flygirls to BUY an off days. And it's not just paying them, me have to cajole, convince, beg, stalk, pray, and offer an even higher price. And all for just an off day. It gets especially frustrating when the day i want off is just a normal weekday!! I'm sure u can imagine how much worse-er it can get during X'mas and NY eve and CNY and all those other important dates in our Singaporean calendar.

Enough ranting..
I'm in a super foul mood..

i must be out of my mind..

I've never been to Milan before, yet i changed the flight away for Paris(again). The reason is simple: i don't want to work with 2 FEMALE in-charge.

Yes, i "hum ji".

I don't want to feel pressurized or stress out. In fact, that will only make me wanna quit earlier.

I know that MALE bosses are equally irritable, especially more with "broken-wrist" male. But being an emotional, eccentric, unpredictable female myself, i rather work with the boys.

Some tell me that female are better to work with, cause they are more understanding and more empathetic. But alas! In my pessimistic opinion, women in my industry gets more scheming, calculative and crafty as years goes by.

Yes, you might say that in fact for ALL industry, male and female eventually will be like that. Well, maybe i have not grown up enough yet. But if you've work in a company when there are possibly 4000-5000 female, you might understand my point.

Anyway i get to be back home on Sat morning, which gives me weekend OFF!!

going to surf LV website liao!
heeheehee!!!

...............BEFORE MARRIAGE...............



He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get!
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!



...............AFTER MARRIAGE...............
(simply read from bottom to top)



..nabei..
=)

many many days of medical leave and 1day of forced annual leave!!
How many days of MC i have so far...??

Company doctor..
13 March '08 - 18 March '08: 6days

Dermatologist..
18 March '08 - 25 March '08: 8days

Stoopid Company..
26 March '08: 1day forced annual leave

Dermatologist..
27 March '08 - 2 April '08: 7days

That will be 21days of medical leave for just the eczema (and counting..)

**Not including 4days from 26 February '08 - 29 February '08 for allergy to painkillers (which could be the culprit of all my eczema??).
And 2days off on 10th and 11th March after the very suay London flight..**


The pharmacist issued less than prescribed amount of steroids on my second visit to the hospital.
Supposed to be 9days 0.5% steroids. Instead it became 3days 0.25%..
Maybe i should throw more (and bigger size!) salt over my shoulder.

Lips is like a dried cracked riverbed..
A red round eczema on my left cheek..
A oval patch on my right eyebrow..
Even the beautician was merciful to my face!!

how to apply any cosmetic.. the powder falling off my face.. the lipstick is slipping off..




============================================================




aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!


After purchasing my first fashionable sunglass, it begin to rain every afternoon.


When will it ever see the day of light?

Dior Cannage