Yawnz!!!!!

Gosh gosh gosh!!!!!

I've been awake since 6am, not to mention that I only fell asleep at 3.30am. And not to mention that I just dine at Jakata turn which i only managed to get out of the aiport at 1130pm. Erm... What else have I forget to mention ah...?? OH!!! Eating Crunchy Nuts from Kellogg. Bought it in Australia and loving every bite of it to the extend that I bring it outstation also!!!

Yesterday my batch peeps met for dinner and drinks. Kinda sad I can't make it.. so long never meet my batchies liao... Never mind. P-plate going to be over liao(hopefully), maybe we could change flight and "fry" together!!!!

Christmas is also just 'bout the corner... Bought a stack of Christmas cards, and yet to fill up my personalized message for moi friends... Bad time management you would say right.. And i do admit that. Heeheehee... =)

Tomorrow Shanghai again... Next month Shanghai... Last month Shanghai... The month before Shanghai... Funniest thing is that I never go there buy any stuff nor go sight seeing. Plus all those Chee-na people just spit anyhow, anytime they wish. Drive those motor vehicles like "China Drift", or so they think. Gross.

I wanna bowl... I wanna win again... My left arm is getting broader and my right arm looks pathetic in comparison...
Yikes!!!

trying to move on...

Just back from an 8 days Frankfurt/ New York... Actually back since 7th Dec liao... Just that i lazy to log on...

Was a very goood (and expensive!!!)trip. The crew were nice with the exception of 1 b**tch. But nvm lar, that's the airline industry for you, me, us.

I have none of my allowance left after my "Coach raid" in New York. Bought a...

Legacy Signature Satchel

AND....

Signature Stripe Pouch (in brown color)

In fact, it's the Legacy bag that wiped me out CLEAN. And i admit i wasn't strong enough to resist it's charm... =(

So sian.. Got no more long flight till 14th Jan. How the heck am i going to survive with regional flights and turns...!!! Somemore i'm the junior-est for 90% of the flights. Being the junior-est is no fun especially when the non-ranking and ranking crew are those "super on, must follow black and white, follow company rules and regulation" types. More and more frequently I begin to wonder how much more longer can I hold on..

My temper and mood are very roller-coaster, very eccentric. I don't know how to comprehand myself, I don't know how to communicate with others, I don't know how to express myself. I don't even know myself anymore.

I need to pick myself up. The question is how, when and who will help...

Weeping

I thought i will never cry for him again... but i just did...

I dreamt 'bout him every night and then, and let me tell u-it hurts. I wake up everytime with tears in my eyes and a heart that seem to stop pumping.

This year i was in Paris for my birthday. Most of my friends messaged me "happy birthday", except him. Did he forget my birthday so fast already? Guess i was stupid to bake him a cake for his brithday, somemore was going for SNY after passing his mother the cake.

I can't go to the places that we went before. Niether could i enjoy the food that we ate together before. I remember telling him many times that "food taste weird without you around". He didn't believe, or was it because he thought i was just talking crap? But it was all so true when i told him so.

Now he have a new life, and yet i'm farking deeply stuck inside it. I'm trying to get out, but smetimes the pain prevents me from doing so.

I really still love him so much that i can't have another relationship with someone new. My heart is still following him when perhaps i shouldn't.

Help me please. I can't stop crying.

The Slacker Cat

The Cat that slacks at every corner, at the void deck of my house.
I call it "The Slacker Cat". So aptly named.

Trouble brewing

It's the wee hours of a new day. But yet I don't exactly feel new.

Here I am blogging after missing in action for the past few months. Life's been a tad more difficult than usual. Things are not going as smooth as I hope it will be.

I've been on a month No Pay Leave as of 1st July. Which basically means ZERO income. But I have no complains 'cuase I can catch up with my friends. I can meet MiMi anytime without any worries. I can sleep till the sun is going down. I can TRY to clean up my room, which I've been trying to do since the first day of July. I can go for physiotherapy without changing flights, and without the pressure for the company.

But now, I'm facing the most heart breaking point. MiMi and I have been quarrelling for the past few days. And today he say he wanted to leave me 'cause he can't take it. I have no darnest idea what went wrong, what did I do wrong, or what had exactly happened. Everything just happened in a moment of flash.

I know he's pressurized 'bout money matters. I know he's unhappy with work. I know he still wants to be an officer. But I just don't know why he's upset with me.

Please MiMi, just tell me what's wrong. I want us to be able to get through this rough patch. I want us to be able to get through all difficulties in our lives. I want to enjoy moments of joy, sweetness, laughter with you. I want to solve all problems, questions, dilemmas with you. All we need to do is to have understanding, tolerance, communication and loads of love for each other.

You got to get this drilled inside your head, heart and soul: I can only have one person in my life, and that person is you exclusively. I LOVE YOU ONLY.

But I can't do it alone.
I need you to step forward with me.