sometimes i really feel hopeless and useless.

sometimes i really think i a worm. i cant take anymore pressure from the company.

I don't understand why i have to be so worried when I'm on medical leave. I can't stop worrying 'bout how my company will see me when i take medical leave. Why is it my fault that i have eczema on my face. Why is it my fault when someone slam a wine cart onto my finger. Do you know the feeling of fear when the index finger can't clench, cant bend, have no single ounce of strength at all? And all the doctor can say is "it's a very bad contusion". A contusion that last for 11days and counting?? A contusion that doesn't have any medication to cure. As if the company will care how bad the contusion is. They just want crew to work the arse off and give us bonus that most crew are having questiones about.

Really feel like giving up. Call me loser. Call me weakling. Call me whatever u like. I just don't comprehend why i have to be penalize when i fall sick. Do u think i want all suay things to happen to me??

Please give me the strength to continue. The faith that i can believe in. The hope i can reach out to.